folsom prison blues
The last month and a half has passed so quickly. First it was a mad dash to finish a bunch of projects in time to leave for Vancouver. Then it was 12 whirlwind days out west (you all already know how that was). Then back to Montreal for 12 days which I thought were going to be quiet and restful but actually involved lots of work, preparing and performing in a 2 day Christmas burlesque cabaret, various chosen family holidays parties/meals, dealing with emotional trauma surrounding my friend who was in an accident and my uncle dying, 5 house guests (Nanochrist, a metal band from Toronto crashed with us for 2 days), a radio interview for the new show 'hochelaga goddamn' (care of jojo and c.t.) and fabulously overindulgent romance.
Now I'm on Prince Edward Island with my family for the next 13 days of holiday cheer.... well, cheer and Wilfred's funeral. *sigh* That's a whole other drama that involves having gotten into a terrible fight with my uncle Cecil. Cecil is the self-proclaimed (and self-righteous) head of the family. He is unrelenting in his decision to organize a Catholic funeral for Wilfred, mostly (I believe) because it would be scandalous on conservative PEI to do any different. I believe it's a final and irreparable insult to a man whom our family never understood, respected or loved (for who he actually was). Wilfred was discarded by his family and society and now that he's dead it's like my family is choosing to recuperate him with a little bit of white wash. Amazing how a life time of being the black sheep can be fixed with simple religious ceremony that Wilfred would have NEVER EVER WANTED FOR HIMSELF. *sigh* In the end, I am sick of fighting and have decided (for the sake of not upsetting my father who already has such a hard time due to his own illness) that i am going to keep my anger quiet. I have also decided to never speak with my uncle Cecil again. Honestly, if I can choose to make non-blood relations a part of my family emotionally, then I can do the opposite and cut off a blood relation who really is a violent presence in my life, no? Fuck, sometimes it gives me great comfort that I look more like my mother's family than my father's.
Basically, life has been mildly overwhelming. I am very lucky to have had some excellent support from some amazing people in my life. I know that i try to be a tough mommy most of the time, but I was so thankful that Johnny was there when I got the call about my uncle. When I tell you that I crumpled into that tiny person's lap, I say so with no understanding of how i could possibly fit, but with so much gratitude that i did. I have great anxiety around expressing negative emotions publicly and I worry that if I am not always happy or amusing or funny, that I will find myself abandoned. It's good to know that I do have folks who stick around through thick and thin, even if some don't.
All (extended)family drama aside, I am glad to be on the Island again. Earl Grey has been traded in for boiled orange pekoe and I've already played at least a dozen hands of gin with my father. We had a lovely family supper right after my arrival last night. It was nice to be sitting around the table with my folks, my sister and her bf Jamie. My mother was so proud of herself for having really tried to make a meal that took my vegetarianism into consideration... but she bungled it badly. She knew that I don't eat caesar salad so she made a second salad, but then put caesar dressing on it, not realizing that it's the dressing that has anchovies in it. Then she cooked baby carrots, but poured them into the same dish as the roast when she served them, essentially bathing them in animal fat ("Boo, can't you just pick them out?" "No mom, I'm sorry"). In the end, I basically ate bread and cheese. That's how it is on PEI for me. I always return to MTL with a seriously fucked up stomach and a protein deficiency.
BUT!
Oh my Lordy did my sister ever come through! She arrived this morning with the best possible Christmas present. Angie and Daddy went grocery shopping for me before I woke up! They bought 4 bags worth of vegetarian friendly food. Butternut squash, vege beef strips and chicken breasts, vegetarian spring rolls, bell peppers, avocados, cucumber... so many good things! They even bought vege chicken nuggets for me because, apparently, Dad said "she always used to like chicken mcnuggets when she was little." Holy fuck, I nearly misted up.
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